The Choices We Make
by Caleesci
Summary: Sometimes the choices we make lead us down a path we don't expect. She chose to leave his side, and he closed off his heart to the world. Now she is back, and he is the only one that can save her. Can he move past his pain to help her? Or will the consequences of their choices prove to be too much to bear?
1. Misery

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Inuyasha, or any of its characters.

 **Summary:** Sometimes the choices we make lead us down a path we don't expect. She chose to leave his side, and he closed off his heart to the world. Now she is back, and he is the only one that can save her. Can he move past his pain to help her? Or will the consequences of their choices prove to be too much to bear?

 **Rating:** T for language and alcoholism.

* * *

Cold amber eyes glanced over the vast city views, the lights illuminating the land below, a stark contrast to the inky depths of the night sky above. This was the only way he enjoyed the city, from a high distance. If he could, he would have retreated to the depths of the rural areas, shying away from the contempt of human contact. However his profession did not allow such a lifestyle, thus he found the highest condo he could away from the loud rumble of the city life.

As if the thoughts alone soured his mood, his eyes narrowed. He lifted the glass he had been holding to his lips, downing the remnants of the burning liquid in one swift gulp. The heat from the alcohol did nothing to soothe his irritation, though. He turned, filling the drink once more. He could drink the entire bottle, but it would not be enough. He knew this, yet he filled his glass anyways.

Attempting to take his mind of the stress of his week, Sesshomaru turned the television on and sank into the dark leather sofa, closing his eyes. The sound of the news tickled his senses, but he paid it no mind. That was until a the mention of name drew his attention.

" _Higurashi's rep confirmed the rumors, and she was recently spotted sporting a beautiful diamond ring for the world to see. For those of you just tuning in, Kagome Higurashi, Olympic Figure Skating Gold Medalist is off the market! Longtime boyfriend, and manager, Hojo Takashi popped the question during Higurashi's last tournament victory in secret, leaving the world on baited breath while rumors circulated. Higurashi and Takashi will officially tie the knot in Octo…"_ A loud crash echoed through the penthouse. Sesshomaru's glass lay in pieces on the floor, and a fairly sizable hole displayed across his flat screen. His eyes burned hotly as he glared at the broken television. With a growl, he stood and grabbed the bottle before retreating to his room.

As he consumed the liquid in earnest, the gentle blue eyes of a photograph precariously placed on his nightstand seemed to glow, drawing his attention no matter how much he drank. When at last he could bear it no longer, he grasped the photo, bringing it close. A memory swam through the haze of his mind, a memory of the day the photograph was taken.

* * *

 _Dressed in his oversized university sweatshirt that fell to her knees, she pulled on his arm eagerly, a smile dancing across her face. Her long ebony hair fell about her shoulders in messy waves, giving her an almost wild appearance, wildly sexy appearance._

 _"Come on, Sesshomaru!" She called to him, her tugging growing harder. He chuckled at her excitement. She always did lack patience._

 _"I'm coming, I'm coming." He conceded, allowing her to pull him forward. She quickened her pace and lead him up the hill. She had always loved hiking, and this was her favorite spot. When she had learned that there would be a visible meteor shower, she had immediately demanded they watch it here. He never could deny her._

 _"Oh wait," she paused as she neared the top, her body deflating. "Someone else is already here." The sadness in her tone would have broken his heart, if he wasn't feeling so smug._

 _"Are you telling me," he whispered softly in her ear, "that you do not recognize the blanket you made me?" Though he could not see her face, he could just imagine her pretty blue eyes widening. A soft noise reached his ears, and before he could say anything her lips were pressed against his. It was a blissfully sweet kiss, one that made his heart bloom with warmth. She pulled away, yet kept her lips so close they were almost touching._

 _"I love you, Sesshomaru."_

* * *

"Kagome…" Her name was pulled from his throat, thick with pain. How he missed her. Even after all these years, he could still remember the scent of her hair as she lay beside him, remember the feel of her skin against his. Even more, he could remember the taste her lips and the feel her hands as she touched him. He could remember it all.

He downed another gulp of the brandy, hoping beyond hope to drown her memory from his heart. And for the moment, it worked. His mind grew dark, the images fading as an alcohol-induced sleep consumed him.

* * *

 _Love, Caleesci_


	2. Anger

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Inuyasha, or any of its characters.

 **Summary:** Sometimes the choices we make lead us down a path we don't expect. She chose to leave his side, and he closed off his heart to the world. Now she is back, and he is the only one that can save her. Can he move past his pain to help her? Or will the consequences of their choices prove to be too much to bear?

 **Rating:** T for language and alcoholism.

 _*Note, in response to a review: This story was previously posted on Dokuga under the same penname._

* * *

A knock came at his door, and Sesshomaru glanced up from his desk. It was only seven in the morning, and he had a strict rule that he was not to be disturbed until at least nine.

"Come back later." He growled out, returning to his paperwork.

"No can do, grumpy bastard." The door opened, and a young man with matching silver hair and expressive gold eyes strode in. Sesshomaru bit back his annoyed retort and settled for glaring at his unwelcome guest. Inuyasha plopped into the seat in front of the mahogany desk and leveled Sesshomaru with a look.

"Got a call from Kagome last night." Sesshomaru stiffened at the mention of her name, his fists clenching. If Inuyasha noticed his tension, he did not remark on it. "She was looking for..."

"Do you have a purpose for being here?" He snapped out harshly. Inuyasha narrowed his eyes at his older half-brother, not believing for a moment that his brother did not care about news regarding Kagome.

"Don't pretend like you aren't interested. You may be a dick, but you're not as cold as you think you are. Not when it concerns her."

"Get out." Sesshomaru shot Inuyasha a furious glare, his lips pursed and body rigid. Inuyasha sat still for a moment, gazing at his brother. With a sigh, he stood.

"Don't say I didn't try to tell you, prick." He snapped as he stepped out of the room, slamming the door shut.

Sesshomaru slammed his fist down on the desk, ignoring the pain that shot through his hand. He stood and turned to the window, willing the busyness of the streets below to ease his thundering heart. Why would she call? To tell him what he already knew? That she was engaged to be married? Why would she even need to call? And why would she call Inuyasha? The questions flew through his head, only serving to confuse and irritate him to no end. The sound of his door opening again snapped his control.

"I told you to leave!" He shouted, whirling to face Inuyasha. Except it wasn't Inuyasha. His assistant stood frozen to the spot, her eyes wide with fear.

"I'm… I'm… sorry!" She said as she bowed. He released a sigh and lifted his hand to his head.

"What is it?" He said in a slightly gentler voice. Apologizing was not something he did. His assistant, visibly shaking, moved forward hesitantly.

"Ku…Kurumi said to give these to you immediately. There's a patient in room 3…"

"Give it to someone else. My case load is full." He turned his back, dismissing his assistant. After a moment, he did not hear her move. "Is there something else?" His tone was growing tense again, and the small eep from the woman alerted him to it.

"Er, well… It's just that… Kurumi said it was non-negotiable." She finished meekly. He growled audibly. Turning he strode towards his assistant, taking the documents and stormed from the room. Without a glance at the offending folder he strode down the hall, his fiery temper exuding from him like a dark cloud. Co-workers and patients alike parted as he made his way down the corridors of the hospital.

Sesshomaru's temper was well known within the institution, his cold, no-nonsense attitude almost as renowned as the establishment itself. Though he was still young, he had been a gifted physician from his early years. His hard work and dedication lead him to being one of the leading Oncology specialists in the country. Though he was not the most compassionate doctor, people came from around the country to be assigned to him. Waiting in room 3 was probably some patient with hospital connections, a son of a donor or perhaps the wife of an investor.

Sesshomaru came to a large oak door, and he threw it open. An older woman sat at her desk, her eyes filled with annoyance at being interrupted. Two men sat in front of her. Caring not that he clearly interrupted a meeting, his agitation too great to control, he dropped the file onto her desk.

"Find someone else to take the case." The woman stood up at his words, grabbing the file quickly.

"Excuse me, I apologize about the interruption. I will be right back." She excused herself and followed out after Sesshomaru who was already walking away.

"Dr. Taisho!" She admonished in a hard tone. Sesshomaru did not stop, nor did he turn. "Dr. Taisho, you simply have to take this case! The board has already approved it…" He whirled around, his eyes narrowed. The hallway stopped, and onlookers watched in silence as the two faced each other down.

"I am already on eleven cases, Kurumi, which is three more than protocol allows. Find someone else." He hissed the last part out. Kurumi's cheeks tinged red, her own temper flaring out.

"You cannot tell me who I assign cases to! This case is absolutely paramount! Besides the patient is already here. I would be more than happy to give it to Mina, but she is at a conference in America right now. If you prefer, I will reassign Mr. Yisako's case until Mina returns if you feel you cannot perform…" His sharp growl made even the headstrong Chief of Staff pause.

"Do not forget with whom you speak, Kurumi." He warned. Today was most certainly not a good day. Kurumi stuttered, attempting to reign in her nervousness. Though she could technically manage Sesshomaru, he was in every which way her superior. He was the sole reason their hospital received the donations it did. Their oncology program was the best in the country, thanks to his team. Angering him did not bode well for her career.

"If you did not wish to accept because it is my case, Sesshomaru, you could have just told her." The sweet, feminine tone was like a knife to his heart. He froze, his eyes widening and his body stiffening. Slowly, he turned to face her, the woman he tried so hard to forget. Kagome.

* * *

 _Love, Caleesci_


	3. Revelation

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Inuyasha, or any of its characters.

 **Summary:** Sometimes the choices we make lead us down a path we don't expect. She chose to leave his side, and he closed off his heart to the world. Now she is back, and he is the only one that can save her. Can he move past his pain to help her? Or will the consequences of their choices prove to be too much to bear?

 **Rating:** T for language and alcoholism.

 _*Note, in response to a review: This story was previously posted on Dokuga under the same penname._

* * *

She sat in the room, not even ten feet from him. It was the closest he had been to her in eight years. Eight exceedingly long years. Her familiar scent tickled his nose, and burned his heart. His heart and mind were torn, one wishing to scoop her into his arms and never let her go, the other wishing to turn away, reassign the case so he could continue in his exiled state.

"Why are you here?" He needed to say something, and that was the first thing that came to mind. She gave him an amused look, a single brow lifting.

"Don't sick people usually come to the hospital?" His eyes narrowed, and he inspected her closely. At first glance, she appeared as she always had, perhaps a bit older, her body having fully matured into adulthood. Her hair, normally encompassing her body in thick waves, fell in straight lengths down her back. Her bright blue eyes were lined with black, and her lips decorated with a light pink shine. As he looked closer, he began to see subtle changes. Her normally bright eyes were dimmer, as though she were tired. Though the concealer hid most of it, he could see the slight puffiness below her eyes, and a strained look about her face. Her cheeks were slightly sunken in, and body looking a little more lean than he remembered her looking during the Olympics just a few months prior. Not that he had seen her up close, but her pictures had been posted everywhere. If he were anyone else, he may not notice these slight changes, but he was not someone else.

"You are ill." He whispered softly, his previous aggression instantly melting away. His heart began to beat. If she were here to meet him, it could only be…

"I have Ovarian Cancer." The words, at first, did not penetrate his mind. He stood there, staring at her for many long seconds, comprehension not dawning. Yet as the words began to sink in, Sesshomaru did not know how to respond. It was impossible. There was no way. _She_ could not have Ovarian Cancer! _It just_ _couldn't be true._ It had to be mistake.

"That can't be." He voiced his thoughts, too shocked to stop them from slipping past. She laughed, her head thrown back as though he had just said something utterly hilarious. Even from the small distance, he could see the strain on her face. She was laughing because she didn't know what else to do. It may have been many years since he had seen her, but it would appear she hadn't really changed.

"Sesshomaru," she said as her laughter tapered off. She cocked her head to the side, her blue eyes looking slightly misty, "I assure you, it is true. At least that's what my previous doctor said. I am here for a second opinion, of course." He turned, grabbing the file that he had taken back from Kurumi when Kagome had interrupted them. He swiftly opened it, reading the contents. Kagome stayed quiet as he read, watching him.

He did not know how long he sat there, staring at the charts and scans he previous doctor had sent over. He felt like he was back in med school, just learning how to read them. There was no way that what he was seeing could be true. There had to be a mistake.

"Sesshomaru…"

"How can this be?" He interrupted slowly, not looking up from the documents. Kagome looked away, her eyes instantly seeking the window. She had always loved views, just as much as him. "How could you not have known? The progression, you had to have been in pain." Though his tone was even and cold, his heart was pounding. The thought of her in pain, it was overwhelming.

"At first, I attributed the cramps to training. It started just before the Olympics, and I was training from sun up to sun down. When the pain got worse, I became too scared to go. If it were serious, I wouldn't be able to compete. I couldn't risk that."

"Kagome,"

"I know. Believe me, I know. I was stupid, I am sorry." A knock sounded at the door, interrupting both. A man opened the door and poked his head inside. When his eyes fell on Kagome, his face lit up.

"Sweetie, I am sorry I am late. Here, I picked you up a tea." The man walked in, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. He then turned to Sesshomaru, his eyes widening quickly before the look was replaced. "Hello, I am Hojo Takashi. You must be her doctor." He extended his hand, and Sesshomaru ignored it.

"Temporary doctor. Dr. Mina Osawa will…"

"What? I thought you were assigned?" Kagome's head snapped up to look at Sesshomaru. He tensed at the sight of fear in her expressive eyes, but did not back down.

"Miss Higurashi," she flinched at the formality, "I cannot take on your case, I have multiple…"

"Sesshomaru, please." Her voice was so soft, so quiet, so unlike her.

"You two know each other." Hojo said in an even tone. Sesshomaru stood, turning his back on the couple.

"I will order some tests. I want to confirm these results for myself. Then I will determine a course of treatment." A soft sigh could be heard, and in his head he knew she was smiling.

"Thank you, Sesshomaru." He closed the door behind him and stepped up to the nurses station.

"Give these to Kou, have him order the tests immediately." He dropped the orders on the desk before turning back to his office. His team was efficient, they would find whatever her previous doctor might have missed.

* * *

As he entered the sanctity of his office, a familiar mop of white hair interrupted his peace. He walked passed his brother not bothering to look at him.

"I tried to tell you." Inuyasha said gently.

"Hn." What could he say? Would it have made a difference to find out through Inuyasha instead of the way he had? Would it hurt any less?

"How bad is it?" Sesshomaru closed his eyes. Inuyasha sounded broken. He had loved Kagome too. It had once caused a great amount of tension between the two of them.

"My team is running tests. Her charts and scans, they…" He paused, finding it difficult to say the words. "They do not look promising. It may have metastasized to her abdomen. My team will confirm." Inuyasha inhaled sharply, dropping his head into his hands.

"Shit." The brothers sat in silence for many long minutes, their minds on the petite figure skater from their past. Neither one was able to console the other, for that was not their relationship. So instead, they merely sat, each lost to their own memories. Memories of an enchanting smile and kind blue eyes.

* * *

 _Love, Caleesci_


	4. Reality

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Inuyasha, or any of its characters.

 **Summary:** Sometimes the choices we make lead us down a path we don't expect. She chose to leave his side, and he closed off his heart to the world. Now she is back, and he is the only one that can save her. Can he move past his pain to help her? Or will the consequences of their choices prove to be too much to bear?

 **Rating:** T for language and alcoholism.

 _*Note, in response to a review: This story was previously posted on Dokuga under the same penname._

* * *

The sun danced on the edge, the night sky above spreading swiftly as it set. It had been two days since Kagome had shown up at his hospital, her revelation destroying any sense of composure he had. Since then, he found it difficult to keep his head up. To keep his thoughts clear. To keep his life together. Now, he stood in his office staring out the large window. Though it was nothing compared to the view of his condo, it still helped calm him. He had received the results from Kagome's tests, and his heart only grew heavier. The cancer had indeed spread, and for the first time in his life he wished he didn't know what that meant. He wished he were ignorant of the diagnosis, that he could be a fool clinging to the hope. But he was not. He could not pretend the tests were positive.

He sat back down at his desk, debating on his next move. He needed to meet her, to sit her down and discuss the results. But he could not face her again. Seeing her this way, it tore him apart. He knew it was selfish, that she was relying on him to make this better. But that presented even more problems. He didn't know if he _could_ make it better. Kagome being the patient, he was finding it difficult to be objective. He seldom became involved in his patient's life, preferring to keep as much distance between himself and them as possible.

"Pathetic." He mumbled to himself, reprimanding his weakness. She had left him eight years ago. Was he still clinging to that? With a renewed sense of responsibility, he reached for the phone. It was late, but he knew she would be up. It was a clear night, she would probably be outside.

The few short seconds it took for the phone to ring felt like an eternity. He briefly wondered what he would do if her fiancé answered. He may be a professional, but he was still a man, and contending with his ex-girlfriends fiancé was not exactly on the list of most pleasant things to do.

" _Hello Kagome speaking."_ There was the sound of wind in the background, and he almost smirked. She truly hadn't changed.

"Kagome." He tried not to read too much into the light gasp from the other end when he said her name. She used to say that the way he said her name made her heart skip a beat. He couldn't help but wonder if that was still true.

 _"I was wondering if you would call, or if you would have someone else do it."_ He subdued the irritation at the insinuation he could not do it himself. He was not a child. He ignored the fact that he _had_ been considering the very scenario just moments before he called.

"I will need you to come…"

" _I don't want to go to the hospital. I can come to your place."_

"Kagome, it would be best…"

" _Please, Sesshomaru. I… I can't. I need to hear the news somewhere safe."_ Perhaps it was the plea in her tone, or the fact that she thought _his_ place was safe, but he found himself agreeing to her request.

"Very well. I will send you the address."

" _Thank you, Sesshomaru."_ He hung up without any further words, furious with himself. How could he invite her to his home? Not only did this break every protocol for the hospital, it also threatened his very sanity. What was he doing? Why did she still have such a hold on him? He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. How was he supposed to help her? How was he supposed to take care of her when the situation was destroying him? And against his will, memories seeped into his mind, only breaking him further.

 _Soft hands trailed over his skin, the ghost of the touch sending his senses on high alert. Deep blue eyes gazed up at him, a wicked smile on her lips. Her hair was down, spilling over her shoulders and trailing down her back in messy waves. The early morning sun cascaded over the bare skin of her body, and the urge to touch her was too powerful to ignore. He pulled her tight against him, his lips crashing to hers. Her legs came about his waist, and she pushed herself up. Illuminated by the sun she made love to him, his name spilling from her lips like a chorus._

He let out a deep breath, the memory so vivid it almost felt real. The way her body had looked in the gentle light, the way her hair had tickled his thighs as she threw her head back, and the way she murmured his name with such love. He could not let her go, but it hurt to be near her. What a pathetic man he was.

* * *

She would be here any moment. The truth, and knowledge of that fact was suffocating him. She would be in his apartment _any moment_. Despite the fact that it was after nine, she insisted on coming tonight. He couldn't find it within him to refuse her. He _couldn't_ refuse her. He never could. He poured himself a glass of brandy, needing something to take the edge off. He was too wound up, too tightly coiled.

When the buzzer to his condo went off, it felt as though a lead weight was placed on him, weighing him down. This was a mistake. He could not face her, not on his territory. Every fiber in his being told him to pull her into his arms, to protect her from everything. But she was not his to protect. She was engaged. She choose Hojo, not him. The thoughts seemed to erase the help the brandy had given him, and he cursed his thoughts. Deciding to get the meeting over with, he buzzed her in and opened the door to wait for her.

When she stepped off the elevator, his breath caught in his throat. She did not wear makeup tonight. Her hair was back to the messy waves he loved so much. But her face was hollow, her eyes bloodshot, and her lips dry. As she walked towards him, a single thought consumed him.

She was sick. Very sick.

* * *

 _Love, Caleesci_


	5. Breakdown

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Inuyasha, or any of its characters.

 **Summary:** Sometimes the choices we make lead us down a path we don't expect. She chose to leave his side, and he closed off his heart to the world. Now she is back, and he is the only one that can save her. Can he move past his pain to help her? Or will the consequences of their choices prove to be too much to bear?

 **Rating:** T for language and alcoholism.

 _*Note, in response to a review: This story was previously posted on Dokuga under the same penname._

* * *

He set the cup of tea down in front of her before taking a seat adjacent to her. She thanked him quietly before lifting it to her lips. He watched her, noticing the way her body hunched forward. Even though she may not say it, he could see she was in pain.

"Chamomile. You remembered." She whispered softly. Sesshomaru did not respond. She seemed to accept his silence, and gazed down at the cup. "So my results are that bad, huh?"

"Yes." He could not lie to her. She would know if he tried. She knew how to read him better than anyone. He sat forward, his eyes connecting with hers. "The tissue samples we secured confirm that you have Stage III. It is located in both ovaries and your left fallopian tube, and has spread to the lining of your abdomen."

"What does that mean? That I'm going to die?" Sesshomaru felt his stomach drop. He wished she did not ask that question. He hated when patients asked that question.

"It means that the process to recover is much harder. There are more risks, and this stage is difficult to treat."

"You are dodging the question."

"It is not a question I can answer. There are many factors that go into treatment. I have had successful treatments, and I have had unsuccessful treatments. No case is the same." His words grew louder, and he felt a hand at his knee. He had not even noticed she moved closer.

"This is difficult for you. I am sorry, I shouldn't… I shouldn't have convinced you to take my case." Her voice was so weak, so timid that he struggled to recognize her.

"Difficult for me?" He asked, trying to keep his voice level. She was unbelievable, yet he already knew that. "You haven't changed at all, have you?" His hand, by its own impulse, lifted to her face. Grasping her chin lightly, he lifted her gaze. Her eyes, though misting with tears, were the same enchanting blue he remembered. She was always worrying about everyone else, never caring about herself. Even now, she was trying to be so strong so as not to hurt _him_. "You don't need to keep up this facade." Her eyes widened. He wanted to console her, protect her, shelter her away from the pain, but he couldn't. The least he could do was be the one she could confide in. He knew without a doubt that she never spoke of her pain, her fears, her anxieties with anyone else. She wouldn't want to burden them. He could be the one to help her face them. He could shoulder them with her.

"It hurts." She whispered, giving in to him. "Sometimes, it hurts so bad I don't want to get out of bed. I feel so weak. It's like… like I'm not me." Her body shook as the first sob fell past her lips. There was no struggle for him then, no moment of indecision. He was on his knees before her, cradling her body against his. She cried harder than he had ever seen her cry before. Her face was buried into his neck, and through the sobs she vented. Her fears, her frustrations, her pains, she told him all of it. Her tears soaked through his shirt, but he did not care. All he could focus on was her. Her painful cries, her heartbreaking words, and even the feel of her bones as he rubbed her back broke him, but still he listened. She was suffering, and it killed him to know that. No matter what happened between them, the small woman in his arms meant the world to him.

He did not know how long they stayed that way. At some point her tears stopped, but she did not pull away. She stayed buried in his neck, hiccupping every now and then. He closed his eyes, inhaling her sweet scent. His heart began to quicken, the simple feel of her in his arms too overpowering to stop it. He knew she would feel the increase of his pulse, but he did not care. He couldn't bring himself to care. A voice within his mind reminded him that she was engaged, but still he did not care. He just wanted to hold her, to stay like this for eternity.

"Do you hate me?" Her soft words caught him off guard. Hate her? That was something he would never be able to do.

"No."

"Are you saying that because I am sick?"

"Hn." He would not even dignify that with an articulate response.

"It wasn't because I didn't love you." Her admission caused his heart to throb painfully. He had known that. He had always known that. But their relationship ended eight years ago. If she were to bring it up, he didn't think he could handle it. No, it was too much too soon. He pulled away slowly before standing and making his way to the window. He couldn't face her, not without his control breaking.

"You will require surgery." He grasped at the first topic that would distract her, dissuade her from continuing. She seemed to sense his need and dropped the subject.

"And Chemo?"

"Yes."

"Will my hair fall out?" It was a question he heard so often, but for some reason coming from her, it was almost heartbreaking. He remembered the hours he spent running his fingers through those long ebony strands as they lay wrapped within the sheets of their bed.

"Possibly."

"I guess that is a stupid question to ask. Who cares about hair when you're fighting cancer, right?" In the reflection of the glass, he saw her reach up and gently lift a clump of the ebony locks and twist the pieces around her fingers.

"It will regrow. Once the treatment is complete." She smiled. He could see it clearly through the glass. It was a sad smile, but a smile none the less.

"Yes, I suppose it will." Perhaps he was giving her false hope, something he never did with patients before, but it didn't matter. No matter what it took, he would save her. He would not let her die. He _couldn't_ let her die.

* * *

 _Love, Caleesci_


	6. Broken

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Inuyasha, or any of its characters.

 **Summary:** Sometimes the choices we make lead us down a path we don't expect. She chose to leave his side, and he closed off his heart to the world. Now she is back, and he is the only one that can save her. Can he move past his pain to help her? Or will the consequences of their choices prove to be too much to bear?

 **Rating:** T for language and alcoholism.

 _*Note, in response to a review: This story was previously posted on Dokuga under the same penname._

* * *

" _Sesshomaru, look!" Kagome turned to him, a look of excitement on her pretty face. She pointed eagerly to a small animal just a few paces away. It had to be the ugliest thing he had ever seen._

" _Hn." He made to turn away, but the insistent tug on his arm stopped him. She wasn't looking at him, but at the creature, was it a cat?_

" _Don't you think it's cute?" She asked. Cute? Sesshomaru looked back towards the decrepit creature. It was a matted fluff ball with a squished face that seemed frozen in a putrid scowl. Its ears were mangled, and its body surprisingly thick for what was clearly a feral street cat. It's long, fluffy tail ended abruptly halfway through, the rest remaining bald. If it was a cat, which he wasn't quite positive it was, it clearly was not a very healthy one._

" _No." She scoffed at his answer, plopping down to sit on her calves._

" _I think it is adorable."_

" _You can't be serious." He watched her extend her hand, and the perpetually grumpy looking thing waddled over to her._

" _He may not be the traditional cute, but he is his own cute." She scooped it up and stood. She looked up at Sesshomaru, her face beaming with a radiant smile. Somehow, he just knew what was coming next._

" _Can we keep it?"_

* * *

The memories had plagued him all night since she left, and it was slowly driving him insane. Everywhere he looked, he saw her face. When he was awake, when he was sleeping, it didn't matter. She was everywhere. Was it just him, or had her scent permeated his condo in the single hour she had been there?

With a little more force than necessary, he tossed the covers aside and made his way to his living room. He stared at the sofa where she had sat, the memory of holding her so tightly still burned in his mind. And now he was dreaming of Hector, that horrid cat she had adopted early in their relationship. The thing was a hellion, but it adored Kagome. It disappeared a month after Kagome left. He hadn't really thought about him since.

His musings were interrupted with the shrill ring of his cell phone. He cast a quick glance to the clock, the red numbers of 05:55 glaring back at him. He strode to the table and picked up his phone.

"What?" There was only one person who would call him at this hour, Mina.

" _This is one hell of a case. How are you holding up?"_

"Are you sugg…"

" _Cut the bullshit Taisho."_ Mina had been with him for ages. She guided him when he was in his early residence years, and launched him to the career he had now. Along the way, she had noticed his lingering obsession with following the career of a young figure skater. It didn't take her long to piece the puzzle together.

"I… will require your assistance." He said it so formally, but the mere comment spoke volumes to the older woman on the phone. It was the closest he would come to admitting the turmoil within. Thankfully, to his mentor it was good enough.

" _Consider this a joint case then. I will have my team notified and copies of the results sent."_ He made a noise of agreement before a thick silence came between them. " _Sesshomaru,"_ she began hesitantly, " _she is in the best hands."_ He didn't need to look to know that she had hung up. He placed his phone down, his eyes unseeing as he was lost in his thoughts. The best hands, huh? He had thought that once before.

* * *

Sesshomaru stood in the doorway of her room, watching her as she slept. She looked so fragile. Hooked up to machines, I.V.s coming from her arm, monitors attached to her chest, each part drove the truth that she was fighting for her life straight into his heart.

Her surgery was rigorous. The day he told her that she needed a hysterectomy still plagued him, the look of anguish on her face too much for him to bear. He closed his eyes, replaying the scenario in his head.

* * *

" _When you said surgery, Sesshomaru, you did not say a hysterectomy!" Kagome paced back and forth in his office._

" _It was a recent call. I have discussed it with my colleague, and she…"_

" _I thought you were my doctor? Why are you discussing it with someone else?" She was being aggressive, more so than he expected her to. In truth, when he had discussed it with Mina, he knew that it would hurt Kagome. It had always been in her plans to become a mother. They had almost achieved that once, but fate intervened and Kagome had lost the child early on._

" _She is an excellent…"_

" _Do you think I need one? Is there no other way? What do you think? I don't know this other doctor, I don't know if I can trust her. What if she is wrong?" She was panicking now, and he tried desperately to keep control of his emotions. Couldn't she see he was trying? He was doing what was best for her._

" _Kagome, you need to calm down." She turned to him, her eyes filled with tears and her face red._

" _Calm down? How can I calm down? Why won't you answer me? Why is this other doctor involved?"_

" _Dammit Kagome! Won't you just listen!" His control snapped and his palm hit the top of his desk. "Do you think I am unfazed by all of this? Do you think I can work this case without some sort of difficulty? I can't think, I can't focus! I can't make unbiased decisions! Every decision I make will determine the success of this treatment, and if I make the wrong one… If I make one mistake… I need her input! I need to make sure that what I am doing is the right decision!" His body was shaking, his breathing labored. She stood, frozen to the spot, her eyes wide, tears streaming down her cheeks. Slowly, she lowered to the seat in his office. She did not speak._

 _The silence gave him much needed time to recover. He sat back in his own chair and put his head in his hands. He was still shaking, and he cursed his weakness. Why did she make him so weak?_

" _I can't make the necessary decisions alone. I need her input." He stated in a much calmer tone._

" _Should I switch my care to her? Will that make it less painful for you?" He leaned back and closed his eyes. It would make it easier, so much easier. But at the same time, he couldn't allow it. He couldn't leave this in someone else's hands. No, he made the decision to be by her side. He wouldn't abandon her now._

" _No. I will take care of you."_

* * *

"She looks so unlike herself." Sesshomaru slanted his eyes towards the newcomer, cursing his thoughts for distracting him.

"Hn." Sesshomaru made to leave, not wanting to see Hojo with Kagome. A man could only take so much.

"Dr. Taisho," Hojo gripped his forearm, stopping him from leave. He dropped it quickly with a sheepish blush. "Look, can we talk?" Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes, unsure what he could want with him. "Can we talk somewhere, somewhere private?" He cast a furtive glance towards the unconscious Kagome. Sesshomaru nodded curtly and made towards his office. Hojo followed him silently.

Upon entering, Hojo paced nervously around the room before finally settling at the window. Sesshomaru watched him, still uncertain how he should feel in the other man's presence.

"Look," Hojo began softly, "I know you and Kagome have a history." He paused as though he were expecting Sesshomaru to confirm or deny his statement. When the taller man did not answer, Hojo continued. "She doesn't know I know. She never spoke of her past. Or maybe it's because I never asked."

"What is it that you wished to say?" Sesshomaru kept his voice even. Would he ask him to excuse himself from her case? No, Kagome would not allow that.

"I know that you love her." He dropped the bomb so casually, and it stole the air from Sesshomaru's lungs. Though he made no outward reaction, his heart began pound in his chest. Had he been that obvious? Hojo turned to face him, his face lined with tears. "And I know that she loves you."

* * *

 _Love, Caleesci_


	7. Confessions

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Inuyasha, or any of its characters.

 **Summary:** Sometimes the choices we make lead us down a path we don't expect. She chose to leave his side, and he closed off his heart to the world. Now she is back, and he is the only one that can save her. Can he move past his pain to help her? Or will the consequences of their choices prove to be too much to bear?

 **Rating:** T for language and alcoholism.

 _*Note, in response to a review: This story was previously posted on Dokuga under the same penname._

* * *

"I first met her when I accepted the position as the Public Relations Manager for her team. It was shortly after her mother passed away. I remember seeing her skate many times before, but when I saw her skate that day, it felt forced. She was grief stricken." Sesshomaru bowed his head. Kagome had been extremely close with her mother, who had been sick a majority of the time they dated. It was why much of Kagome's skating career took off later in her years, because she stayed close to her mother. She passed away four years ago. He had returned for the services, but due to flight delays he had missed it. "The coach was ready to give up on her. But I couldn't let that happen. I made it my goal to fix her, to get her back to where she had been." He laughed quietly at that, his arms coming up to cross over his chest. He looked vulnerable.

"You did." He had no idea why he was consoling the man. It just slipped out. Despite that, it was true. Kagome had gone on to win multiple competitions, and even participate and win the Winter Olympics.

"I did. It took months, but she started opening up. She would gloss over her past, and I got the feeling she didn't want to discuss it. So I never pressed it. She was healing." Hojo reached up and rubbed the tears from his face before turning to look out the window.

"From the beginning, I knew that she had been in a relationship that was still on her mind. It was clear. Some of the girls on the team confirmed it, but even they didn't divulge much. Still, it was plain as day that her heart belonged to someone else."

"But you fell in love anyways." Sesshomaru confirmed. Could he blame him? He had been adamant against Kagome when he first met her, knowing full well that his brother harbored affections for the pint-sized spitfire. But there was a quality about Kagome that no one could resist.

"I did. In truth, the media, the team, everyone thought we were dating for much longer than we had been. I had spent so much time helping her rebuild after her mother's death that it just seemed that way. It got to the point where we just stopped denying the claims.

"When she got sick, I didn't really think anything of it. It was just a result of the hard training she had done preparing for the Olympics. But when the doctors admitted her for testing, everything sort of fell apart. When we got the diagnosis, I proposed." His voice became thick, and though his back was to him Sesshomaru could see him wiping furiously at his face.

"When she was admitted, I went to her house to grab some things. You know, toothbrush and stuff. When I went into her room…" He paused for a few moments and Sesshomaru found himself yearning for what he would say. "When I went into her room there was a box on her bed. She must have forgotten to put it away. I had never seen it before. I… I went through it. Do you know what was in that box, Dr. Taisho?" Hojo still did not turn around, but Sesshomaru could easily guess. Still, he chose not to answer.

"You. You were in that box. You, and all your years with her. Clippings from newspapers and magazines highlighting your career, as recent as the week before. Pictures of the two of you together. It was overflowing. But what struck me the most was her smile." Hojo did turn around at that point, the tears still slipping down his cheeks, which were red from crying. "In all of my years with her, she never once smiled like that. She never once looked that happy." Sesshomaru's heard thudded, and his stomach churned painfully. Why was he telling him this?

"What purpose is there in telling me this?" Hojo laughed, a hollow painful laugh that felt forced. Sesshomaru waited for his laughter to subside, noting that towards the end it sounded more like a sob.

"I don't know. I really don't know why I am saying it. I knew she loved me, but it was never like that. We were dating, but we weren't dating. It wasn't… it wasn't like those pictures. That night, I asked her to tell me about her past, the relationship the girls had mentioned. She seemed surprised, but she didn't ask why. She told me about the man she loved, and how he was a brilliant man who was out there right now, saving lives. That he will always carry her heart, which is why she couldn't give it to me. But I had already known that, I had known from the beginning."

"This conversation does not serve us…"

"When I asked her why she ended her relationship with a man she obviously loved, do you know what she said?" Hojo shouted over Sesshomaru, clearly needing to say this. Sesshomaru was speechless, surprised at the sudden aggression. "Do you?" Sesshomaru clamped his jaw, his body tense. What the hell was this guy's aim? What did he want from him?

"No? You don't know?" He locked eyes with Sesshomaru, his gaze far softer than he expected. "She said, I had to let him go. I had to let him go so that he could go on and change the world."

Words failed Sesshomaru. He closed his eyes, letting the other man's words sink in. He could see it, the look on her face when she told him goodbye. The tears, the refusal to meet his gaze, the way she looked so defeated. It all fit. It fit so perfectly, he questioned why he didn't see it before. She had turned herself into a martyr for his career. And he let her do it.

* * *

 _Love, Caleesci_


	8. Reflection

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Inuyasha, or any of its characters.

 **Summary:** Sometimes the choices we make lead us down a path we don't expect. She chose to leave his side, and he closed off his heart to the world. Now she is back, and he is the only one that can save her. Can he move past his pain to help her? Or will the consequences of their choices prove to be too much to bear?

 **Rating:** T for language and alcoholism.

 _*Note, in response to a review: This story was previously posted on Dokuga under the same penname._

* * *

The night held a slight chill on the air, despite the fact that it was in the early throws of summer. It was late, at least midnight. It would probably have been best if he just stayed at the hospital, but he needed the air. Hojo had not stayed much longer after his statement, not that Sesshomaru wanted him to. He had been so lost in his thoughts he had not even know the man left until he heard the click of the door. For hours Sesshomaru had stayed in his office, trying to sort his thoughts.

Sesshomaru released a most undignified snort. The past few months he had morphed into someone entirely unrecognizable. It started when she had won the gold medal. Seeing her face everywhere, all over the news, on every magazine, it had destroyed the control he had thought he mastered. And then when the rumors of her engagement, followed by the confirmation of the engagement reached his ears, his emotions seemed to take full control of him.

He paused at a park, deciding that he was not yet ready to retire to his condo. Nearly collapsing on a bench in a secluded part, he leaned back and gazed at the dark sky. If he stared long enough, he was sure to see at least one star poke through.

"Let him go to change the world, huh?" He muttered to himself. Is that what she expected of him? How the hell was he supposed to change the world? He was hardly a part of it anymore. Since she left, his world seemed void of anything. How was he supposed to change the world when he didn't have one? "Pathetic." He murmured once more. He closed his eyes, giving up on trying to find any stars. This damn city seemed to swallow them all. As he relaxed back, a memory surfaced, one that took him by surprise.

* * *

" _What are you doing here?" Golden eyes, so much like his own, met his. Sesshomaru's father gave him a roguish grin._

" _As welcoming as always, I see. I would have thought by now Kagome would have instilled some manners in you." Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes. He made his way inside his apartment, which now needed a new lock. He didn't bother closing the door, if he had his way his father would be leaving shortly._

" _Do you have a purpose for trespassing?"_

" _It's not trespassing if I pay for it." Toga reminded his eldest son before taking a seat on the sofa. His expression went from friendly to stern so quickly that Sesshomaru almost felt shocked. Almost. "Were you not going to tell me?"_

" _Tell you what?" He played it off easily. He knew why his father was here, and he did not wish to discuss it._

" _I got a call from your admissions councilor. He says you turned down acceptances to some remarkable medical schools. Oxford, the one you have been aiming for since you entered high school. Even schools in America want you."_

" _Your point?"_

" _Sesshomaru, it has been your plan to become an Oncologist since you were seven. Are you telling me that all of a sudden, that goal just disappeared?_

" _Yes." Toga stood, his eyes narrowing as he faced his son._

" _Do not lie to me. You worked yourself to the bone through high school, through preliminary university to get accepted to these schools. Now you are just throwing it away? Why?" Though his tone was not loud, it still held an edge of scolding._

" _Things changed." What more could he say? If he accepted those offers, he would need to leave. He couldn't leave Kagome._

" _It's Kagome, isn't it?" Toga's voice lost a little bit of the edge, but Sesshomaru could not help but still feel as though his father were disappointed._

" _Her mother's health, it is not in a good place. Travel is not an option. She relies on Kagome."_

" _Kagome is a wonderful girl, but this is your future. You, you are gifted. This is your calling. This is what you were meant for. Don't throw that all away."_

" _You threw away much more for Izayoi." Sesshomaru threw back. Toga stiffened._

" _And I regret it. I regret what I did to your mother. I regret that I wasn't there for her when she became sick. I regret that more than you know. I am here urging you not to follow in my footsteps."_

" _I'm not. I do not follow another's footsteps. I make my own choices. And I choose Kagome. My goals be damned, my career be damned. They don't matter." Sesshomaru all but snarled at his father. Toga straightened, a disappointing look crossing his face._

" _You are so much more than you are becoming. So much more."_

* * *

His eyes slide open, the memory so vivid he could feel the anger still surging within him. His father denied ever speaking to Kagome, and so Sesshomaru had quickly forgotten their conversation. But if he thought back, _really_ thought back, it was around that time that Kagome began acting differently. Had his father lied to him? No, he wouldn't have. His father was many things, but never a liar. He was honest to a fault. So what, then?

Perhaps it was simply that Kagome had heard that he declined to attend the universities he had once told her earnestly that he wished to attend. Would she end everything if she thought it were better for him? He felt a bitter laugh lodge in his throat. Of course she would. She always cheered him on, always told him he would go on to do wonderful things. But didn't she know that all of it meant nothing without her? Didn't she know how much he loved her? Did he not show that to her?

"Idiot." He cursed. Though he was not sure if he were the idiot, or her. After all, he didn't fight for her. Two weeks after she left, he accepted the offer to Oxford University. Three months later he left without as much as a word to anyone. Why hadn't he fought for her? Was it because deep down he wanted this path, this career more than he wanted her? His heart revolted the thought almost as quickly as it came to mind. No, no that was not the reason. Why then, did he not fight for her? There was only one thing that he could think of.

He was a coward.

* * *

 _Love, Caleesci_


	9. Protection

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Inuyasha, or any of its characters.

 **Summary:** Sometimes the choices we make lead us down a path we don't expect. She chose to leave his side, and he closed off his heart to the world. Now she is back, and he is the only one that can save her. Can he move past his pain to help her? Or will the consequences of their choices prove to be too much to bear?

 **Rating:** T for language and alcoholism.

 _*Note, in response to a review: This story was previously posted on Dokuga under the same penname._

For three weeks, he avoided her. Before her discharge, he would only check on her when he knew she was either sleeping, or when Mina was with him. It just further proved he was a coward, but he couldn't bring himself to get close to her. He truly was pathetic.

Her Chemo therapy treatments began before she left the hospital, and would continue for the next six months. The surgery was not as successful as he would have liked, but with this level of advancement, complete removal is difficult. Still, she seemed to be responding to the Chemo. He held out hope. The shrill sound of his cell phone drew an annoyed grunt from Sesshomaru. It would seem everyday he grew to detest the invention of cell phones just a little more.

"Hello?" He asked irritably.

" _Sesshomaru?"_ Panic seized him. Her voice was faint, weak, and he could tell by the elevated pitch that she was crying.

"Kagome? What is wrong?" His pulse quickened, and he felt sick to his stomach. The sound of heavy retching in the background nearly made him lose his breakfast. After a few moments, he heard her quiet sobs before her voice carried through a small distance.

" _I don't… I don't know. Please help me…"_

"Where are you?"

" _At home."_

"I will be right there. Stay with me okay?" He was out of his office, shouting a quick word to cancel his appointments to his confused assistant before he was hurrying out of the hospital. "Did you fall? Are you laying down?" He asked, trying to keep her talking as he tore out of the parking lot.

" _Didn't fall, I'm laying on the bathroom floor though."_

"I need you to sit up, can you do that?"

" _My stomach hurts so bad. I need you."_

"I know, I'm coming." He listened to her cry, listened to her vomit, listened to her beg for him, and each second that passed felt like an eternity. He needed to get to her. He fought down the pain in his heart, and blinked away the tears lining his eyes. He needed to be calm when he saw her, needed to be strong. Why the hell was there so much traffic? He took a calming breath. He forced the fury and fear from his mind and focused instead of listening to her breathing. It was erratic, but not alarmingly so.

" _I'm so sorry."_ She murmured repeatedly. Sesshomaru merely shushed her, reaffirming that everything would be okay, that he was almost there. She continued to apologize and he wondered if she even registered his words. It was likely that she was feeling feint after losing so much of her stomach contents.

When he finally pulled up to her condo, he pulled into the first place he saw, not caring that it was labeled restricted. Let his car be towed, he did not care.

"I am here Kagome, can you let me in?" He asked gently. She murmured something that sounded like "can't get up" so Sesshomaru grabbed the gentleman at the security station. She lived in quite the building.

"I need access to Kagome Higurashi's unit, 603. I am her doctor."

"Sir, I can't just give you…" He covered the receiver, glaring at the officer. After a few choice words, the young man escorted Sesshomaru up to the unit with two others. When they opened the door the scent of vomit hung heavily on the air, and Kagome was propped against the wall, pale and sweaty. Dark circles hung beneath her eyes, and sweat clung to her body. Sesshomaru dropped his phone and knelt by her side, immediately checking over her. She felt warm to the touch.

"You came." She whispered weakly. Noticing the guards, she gave them a small smile. "Thank you for letting him in." Sesshomaru lifted her small frame, ignoring the security guards as they stuttered in confusion before leaving.

"When did you start vomiting?" She was so light in his arms, he tried not to think on it.

"About an hour, no a little more, before I called you." She was completely drenched in sweat, and the scent of vomit clung to her. He deposited her on the couch.

"Stay here, I will be right back." She nodded weakly. He went into the kitchen area and looked around for the items he needed. After securing a large pot, he filled it with lukewarm water. Browsing through the condo, he found a few towels and made his way back to her. He set the items down before lifting her up and sitting behind her. He situated her between his legs, her back pressed against his chest.

"You have a fever." He explained as he began to rinse her down. He placed a wet cloth on her head, then used a separate one to clean her face and neck, lingering in places to help cool the flesh. Though normally the nurses were the ones charged with giving sponge baths, it had been something he had been forced to learn while attending university.

"Tell me about the Olympics." He said, hoping to keep her conscious. If she grew any worse, he would be forced to take her to the hospital.

"Mama would have been so happy." Her throat was raw, but he could hear a bit of strength returning. "She would have loved it. They had food from every country. You know how much Mama loved trying new foods when she could." He could hear the smile in her tone.

"Especially Italian." He felt a smile come to his own face, despite the situation. Her mother had always told him that the only person she would allow her daughter to marry would be him, or an Italian who could cook.

"They had cannoli's. I ate so many." He snorted at that, well aware of just how much she could pack away.

"Now that, I do not doubt." He heard her breathing pick up slightly, and he readied a bowl beside her. As her body tensed, he leaned her forward as she regurgitated again. With his free hand he brushed her hair from her face. The lack of substance in the bowl alerted him to the fact that she had exhausted her stomach contents, and only bile remained.

"Kagome, we need to get you…"

"No!" She whispered fiercely, leaning her head back against his chest. "I'm sorry, just please let me stay like this? Just for a little while?" He could feel her heart beating wildly, but he knew how stubborn she was.

"Where is your phone?" She motioned to her pocket and he pulled it out. "I will call for an ambul…"

"But…"

"We can stay like this until they get here." He promised, his arms coming about her. He heard her sigh and felt her body relax.

The atmosphere grew quiet and somewhat relaxed, and Sesshomaru was left with his thoughts. Seeing her so sick, so fragile drove home the reality of her situation. It was likely her body was rejecting the chemo, and a different regimen would need to be worked. The fear in his heart grew. What if they didn't work? What if she did not make it? His arms tightened around her, and he felt her head nuzzle into his chest.

"I'm okay." She soothed. An influx of emotion swept through him. She always thought of others, never of herself. She always tried to protect everyone else. She was comforting _him_ when she was the one sick, the one fighting a deadly disease. He wanted to scoff, wanted to scold her, wanted to do so many things to express the war within him. But he couldn't. He lowered his head to rest upon hers and hugged her tighter. He couldn't do anything.

 _. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ._

 _Love, Caleesci_


	10. Decisions

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Inuyasha, or any of its characters.

 **Summary:** Sometimes the choices we make lead us down a path we don't expect. She chose to leave his side, and he closed off his heart to the world. Now she is back, and he is the only one that can save her. Can he move past his pain to help her? Or will the consequences of their choices prove to be too much to bear?

 **Rating:** T for language and alcoholism.

 _*Note, in response to a review: This story was previously posted on Dokuga under the same penname._

* * *

The soft, rhythmic beeping of the machines brought a sense of peace to Sesshomaru as he watched over Kagome. They ensured him that she was alright, that she was stable. He leaned back in the chair, his head dropping back to rest on the wall. He had been so scared, so terrified when he had seen her in her apartment. She had looked so frail. Now that she was in the hospital, the memories were haunting him. What if he hadn't answered his phone? What if he had silenced it like he so often did? He could not stop the what-if scenarios from consuming his mind.

"You look so troubled." He sweet voice washed over him, making his heart leap. God he loved this woman. He leaned forward, leaning his arms on his knees as he looked her over.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like a pin cushion." She lifted her arm to the long I.V. currently sticking into her skin.

"A very cute pin cushion." He said gently. She rewarded him was a smile, one that reached her eyes. Her hand lay out, open palm waiting for his. Without a moment of hesitation, he enclosed it in his own.

"You were scared. But I am okay. I have a really good doctor. Maybe you know him?" Sesshomaru scoffed at her jest, a smirk toying at his lips.

"Some doctor he is." She laughed lightly.

"He is an amazing doctor. The best, really. Though I always knew he would be." Her words made him still. That was, after all, why she left him. Despite the strong desire to do so, he resisted the urge to ask her. It was in the past, wasn't it?

"Hn." He looked down at their joint hands. It was so intimate, but felt so normal. He hadn't held hands with anyone else since her. Hadn't dated anyone since her. While he was not exactly abstinent, he offered no form of emotional connection to any of his partners. This simple action felt more fulfilling then any of the nights he spent with another.

"You know, I saw you at my mother's grave." Her looked up sharply, surprised. He had not known she had seen him. As far as he knew, she thought he had not gone to her mother's funeral.

"I had meant to attend,"

"But your flight was delayed. I know. Your father told me. It meant a lot that you were there none the less."

"Why did you not approach me?" Kagome's cheeks turned pink under his gaze.

"It all seems foolish now, but I was embarrassed. I had spent the past week crying non-stop. I looked like hell. I felt even worse. I didn't want you to see me that way, not after it had been so long."

"You…"

"I know," She interrupted quickly, her head bowed. "I know it was silly. I just… I just didn't want to face you. No that's not right. I _couldn't_ face you. I couldn't just show up back in your life. I had spent the better part of four years telling myself that I was holding you back from the man you were meant to be. In my state, I would have been an even bigger burden."

"Don't you see, Kagome?" He spoke so gently, hoping his feelings would reach her. "My profession, my credentials, all of what you envisioned for me, it was never that important." He paused there, his hand squeezing hers. Her eyes lingered on their joint hands before slipping up to meet his. He had not lied to her. Everything he had now, it had not been his desire. The position, the awards, the high standing in the medical world, he had not achieved it because it was what _he_ wanted. He had set out to become the man _she_ wanted him to be, in hopes that she would return to him. To him, there would have been no greater achievement, no better path than to be the man by her side.

Her eyes slid closed, and she leaned her head back against the pillows. She inhaled slowly before exhaling with a sigh. Her eyes slide back open, the watery gaze gone.

"You say that they do not matter, but they do. You used to tell me that you were going to stop the heartache. Make sure no one had to go through what your mom went through. That no one would suffer alone. And I was always so proud of you. I wanted you to achieve that goal, more than anything else. More than my own dreams, really. But you were ready to give it all up. I couldn't, no I wouldn't let you do that."

"You should rest." It came off slightly harder than he meant, but he could not control it. Her words affected him in so many ways. It is true, at one point he _had_ felt that way. But why could she not see that those were _lofty_ goals? They weren't even goals! They were the arrogant proclamations of a boy who understood _nothing._ He would have given everything up if it meant staying with her. She refused to see that. She refused to see that he was willing to give up _just_ as much as she did.

She pulled the blankets up, burrowing into their warmth. Taking that as a dismissal, he stood and made his way to his office. When he reached the sanctity of his space, he collapsed onto the worn sofa, his arm covering his eyes. Anger, heartbreak, fear, and even love seemed to war within him, each one wishing to claim the forefront of his mood. How he wished they would all disappear. He was not used to feeling so many conflicting things. How did she manage to eradicate all of his barriers, all of his control? "You are such an idiot, Kagome." He whispered, though he couldn't help but bitterly agree that she had beat him to the punch. She gave up everything so he could have what she thought he wanted, and he was prepared to give up all of his goals so she could have what she wanted. What a twisted pair they made.

A completely pathetic, twisted pair.

* * *

 _Love, Caleesci_


	11. Heartache

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Inuyasha, or any of its characters.

 **Summary:** Sometimes the choices we make lead us down a path we don't expect. She chose to leave his side, and he closed off his heart to the world. Now she is back, and he is the only one that can save her. Can he move past his pain to help her? Or will the consequences of their choices prove to be too much to bear?

 **Rating:** T for language and alcoholism.

 _*Note, in response to a review: This story was previously posted on Dokuga under the same penname._

* * *

Sesshomaru relaxed back upon his sofa, the stillness of his high rise condo filling him with a sense of peace. His eyes were open, staring at the ceiling above as if it held some fascinating pattern. It did not. He tilted his head slightly to accommodate the lip of a bottle, forgoing the glass, as he drank heavily. The alcohol warmed his insides, but did little to drown the pain. Kagome's test results had come in. They were worse than before. The cancer was spreading. Treatment wasn't working, each drug making her sicker than he last. Still, he couldn't give up.

"Useless." He muttered to himself. He was completely useless. Though she seemed fine, a smile always adorning her pretty face, he knew it was not true. Her body was frail, and thin. The Chemo was destroying her. On more than one occasion, he had listened to the sound of her retching from behind the door, cursing himself for not being in there with her.

Since their rather intimate discussion last month, Kagome had pulled back from him. Keeping things polite, yet distant. Hojo had returned from his trip, and seldom left her side. Sesshomaru both detested his presence, as well as welcomed it. With Hojo around, he could keep control of his emotions, keep his wants and desires in check. And with the newest results, he needed to keep a tight leash on his feelings. He lifted the bottle again, swallowing the liquid in earnest.

A light knocking at his door cut through the depressing fog, and instantly he felt irritation curling at the edges of his mind. Who the hell would be bothering him? He turned his phone off, left explicit instructions to his assistant _not_ to call his house phone unless it was urgent. So who would come here? He lifted from the couch, dropping the bottle back into its spot before striding to the door with ill intentions. Pulling the door open, he readied a scathing remark, but it died on his lips. Kagome stood, wide eyed, staring at him, her hand poised to knock again.

"Sesshomaru," She said softly. "May I come in?" Sesshomaru stepped back, surprise still coloring his face. What was she doing here? Where was Hojo? He closed the door behind her as she entered, suddenly feeling out of control and on edge. She couldn't be here, not now.

"Why are you here?" He did not mean for it to sound so cruel, but the alcohol loosened his tongue a bit more than he would have liked. Though he was not drunk, he was certainly not unaffected.

"I need to talk to you. I tried calling you, but I got your voicemail. Your assistant said you were not taking calls tonight. But I _needed_ to talk to you."

"It is not proper to come here. And where is Hojo? Shouldn't he be…"

"I am stopping my treatment." Sesshomaru stopped in his tracks, his entire body going rigid. He could _not_ have heard what he _thought_ he heard. Slowly, gold sought blue. Her eyes were strong, determined, watery. Her form was shaking, as though she were braced for a fight.

"What?"

"If I were anyone else, you may have already had this conversation with me, wouldn't you? Chemo doesn't work. The cancer has spread." His eyes widened, how had she known? "I couldn't get a hold of you, so I discussed it with Mina." She had the slightest look of guilt about her face. Sesshomaru exhaled sharply. Why hadn't Mina told him? Why hadn't she called him? She knew his house number, this was most definitely an emergency. She _should have called._

"Sesshomaru, I am okay with the decision."

"I am not." He bit out harshly. "Do you not think me capable? Do you think I have given up?

"Stop, please." She pleaded so softly, Sesshomaru's anger instantly deflated. She stepped up to him, her proximity causing his head to spin. She looked up at him, tears slipping down her cheeks.

"I know I am dying. I knew when I got the diagnosis that this was a possibility. Having followed your career for so long, I learned things. I knew it wasn't going to be a simple battle. I waited too long. _I_ made the mistake, not you. If anything, you helped prolong my life a bit. But the truth is I would rather die me, than waste away with the Chemo. And I wo…" He couldn't hear anymore. He placed his fingers against her lips, his head bowing, and eyes closing.

"Don't." His voice cracked in a way he should have been ashamed of, yet he found he did not care. She was giving up. He couldn't allow this!

Slowly, her hands reached up and grasped his. She moved his hand, and pressed her lips against his palm. She slipped closer to him, and rested her cheek against his hand. He felt the dampness of her skin, the result of the tears she still shed. He couldn't lose her. Not again.

"Don't go." They were the same words he had whispered to his Mother the night she passed, and it held the same agonizing pain he had felt then. She was leaving him.

"I love you." She whispered, his voice breaking with a sob. "I always have."

Sesshomaru was, by design, an analytical man. He always knew the paths to take, and execute them to the best of his ability. It was what made him such an exemplary student, and renowned oncologist. However at this moment, he could not analyze anything. He allowed his instinct, his desires, and his heart to guide him. And so, as her small confession, one he had known already, reached his ears, he did not hesitate. He pulled her small frame against his and kissed her.

He kissed her for all he was worth, with every ounce of his feelings pouring through. Eight years of love, of pain, of heartache, of devotion in a single, heart stopping kiss. And she kissed him back with equal fervor. He felt it all. All of her love, all of her heart in that kiss, and he decided no matter what, he would never let go. He would never give up. Even if he had to follow her to Heaven, he would never let her go.

* * *

 _Love, Caleesci_


	12. Promises

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Inuyasha, or any of its characters.

 **Summary:** Sometimes the choices we make lead us down a path we don't expect. She chose to leave his side, and he closed off his heart to the world. Now she is back, and he is the only one that can save her. Can he move past his pain to help her? Or will the consequences of their choices prove to be too much to bear?

 **Rating:** T for language and alcoholism.

 _*Note, in response to a review: This story was previously posted on Dokuga under the same penname._

* * *

Sesshomaru ran faster than he had ever run before, ignoring the burn of his legs and the demands of his lungs. He could not think of himself, only of her. She was waiting for him, he knew it. She had to wait. He would make it, no matter what.

He had been mid-appointment when he got the call, the call he had been dreading since she first told him of her plan to terminate treatment nearly six weeks ago. Without the Chemo, the disease took root in her system much faster, and spread rapidly. Though she seemed strong, happy, and moderately healthy, he knew she was not. He knew what would happen next, and for the millionth time since this case began, he _cursed_ his knowledge. He hated that he knew what her body was going through, that he knew that the disease was spreading into her vital organs. He wished he were simple, that he were a regular man who did not know the complexities of the disease. That way he could believe her confident smile, or the lies she spoke about feeling fine. Oh how he craved that ignorance.

Instead, he knew that each careful step was because her body was weakening. He knew that her breathy whispers were because the medication that kept the pain to a minimum caused shortness of breath. He knew that the slight discoloration to her skin was not because of the lighting, but the disease spreading to her liver. He knew it all. And now, he would need to face it all. She was dying.

He burst through the door to her home, his breath coming in short gasps. His brother sat on the couch, his head bowed.

"She's in with Mr. Takashi," the nurse said, seeing the fear so openly displayed on Sesshomaru's face. Inuyasha looked up, his face pale and eyes red.

"He is saying goodbye." At Inuyasha's words, the door to her room opened. Hojo stepped out, his face hidden by unruly brown hair. He approached Sesshomaru, his posture stiff. Their relationship had been strained since the night she came to his home, and he had known without a doubt she had confessed to the kiss. Though he was not proud of kissing a spoken for woman, he could not bring himself to regret it.

"It would only be right," Hojo began in a broken voice, "that the one she loves be by her side." He looked up at Sesshomaru, his hand reaching out to grasp his shoulder. "I… she needs you." Hojo moved past him, and Sesshomaru felt his heart clench.

Slowly, he pushed open the door to her room. Instantly, a smile crossed her face, and for a moment he swore it lit up the room.

"I waited for you." She said softly. He went to her side, grasping her hand gently. "I knew you would come, I had to see you." Her words were breaking his heart, but he could not stop her. She turned her gaze down at their hands, a small smile pulling at her lips.

"Do you know why I left you?"

"Yes." He knew. He did not need her to say it. She smiled at him.

"Of course you do. You always were perceptive. That day when I heard you and your father arguing, it opened my eyes to things. I never even thought about you going off to medical school. It just was something I knew you would do. I knew that I would stay with my mother. But I guess I never gave it much thought."

"You overheard us?" His eyes widened. Why had he _not_ even considered that possibility? He and his father had been loud, and Kagome could have walked in at any moment!

She nodded with a small smile. "When I first saw you in the hospital, I regretted ever leaving you. But now that I lay here, I feel peaceful. You are so close to achieving your dream."

"My dream?" Those lofty goals he had said as a boy? To end suffering and heartache at the hands of cancer? Did she still think those were his goals?

"I have watched you for so long. You have done such wonderful things. I was in awe of you, you know." Her voice was becoming raspy.

"So I have become a man you are proud of?" He asked selfishly, craving her words. She looked at him then, surprise on her face. "I have not done the things I have done to fulfill some childhood dream, Kagome. Everything I have done, every success I have achieved, it was all for you." He leaned forward, pressing his lips to her hand. Her face seemed to glow, and she sighed softly.

"Will you hold me?" He swiftly rose to his feet and helped lift her up. He took the spot behind her, letting her rest between his legs, her back against his chest. His arms encircled her form, crisscrossing around her front. This had always been her favorite way to be held.

"Always," he whispered as he hugged her.

"I have always been proud of you, Sesshomaru. You are the best man I know, and I am more thankful than you can imagine to simply know you were in my life. I have loved you from the moment I met you, and always will." He had no words for that, and so he simply burrowed his face into her hair, inhaling her scent. He closed his eyes, wishing to extend this feeling as long as possible. He never wanted it to end.

"Will you promise me something?" Her voice was faint, and it broke Sesshomaru's heart.

"Anything." He whispered, trying to ignore the way her breathing was growing shallow.

"Promise you will always love me? I know it's selfish, but I am afraid of being forgotten." He chuckled softly, pressing his lips to her temple.

"Kagome, I have always, and will always, love you. I couldn't forget, even if I tried." He knew that first hand. How many times did he try to forget her? She wasn't just written on his heart, she _was_ his heart.

"I am rooting for you, you know." He leaned down, her voice hardly audible at this point.

"Sleep, Kagome. I will stay with you." The words tore his heart apart as he said them, and he heard her gentle okay. When her body grew lax, his world fell apart.

* * *

 _Love, Caleesci_


	13. Chances

**Disclaimer** : I do not own Inuyasha, or any of its characters.

 **Summary:** Sometimes the choices we make lead us down a path we don't expect. She chose to leave his side, and he closed off his heart to the world. Now she is back, and he is the only one that can save her. Can he move past his pain to help her? Or will the consequences of their choices prove to be too much to bear?

 **Rating:** T for language and alcoholism.

 _*Note, in response to a review: This story was previously posted on Dokuga under the same penname._

* * *

Kagome's death took to the media like wildfire. The darling of the country dying at such an early age rocked the people, and even spread overseas. Her picture was everywhere for weeks after she passed, and Sesshomaru could not escape. He hid himself away in the condo, secluding himself from the outside world. Even Inuyasha could not reach his brother, the door never unlocking.

Sesshomaru was so far gone in his grief that he consumed more alcohol than ever before. There was seldom a waking moment that he did not drown himself in the comforting liquid, seeking to eradicate every trace of pain with the amber substance. And like always, it was never enough. Her smile haunted his dreams, her memory driving him to insanity when awake. He could never escape it.

On more than one occasion, he stood at the edge of his balcony, his lucid mind wishing nothing more than to end his suffering. But then her sweet face would frown, and he would dissolve to a whimpering child, unable to commit an act he _knew_ she would hate him for. He was so pathetic, so utterly and completely pathetic. So he burrowed farther and farther, depression, anger, and grief consuming him.

* * *

He was not sure what made that day different. No matter how many times he analyzed it, he couldn't find a clear answer. He had woken in a normal way, passed out on the bathroom floor, an empty bottle still clutched in his hand. From that moment on, everything had changed.

He grumbled as he stood, ignoring the scratchy feel of his beard as he rubbed the drool off his face. He ignored his reflection, a habit he had made. His liquor cabinet was empty, and he grabbed his coat and shoes, preparing to head to the store. Once his purchase had been made, he stopped at the park just below his condo. He could not explain it, but sitting outside in the cold seemed like a good idea.

The morning was early, and the park was dotted with runners. Most avoided him, or cast pitiful glances his way. He ignored them, and glared at any he felt got to close.

As he lifted his drink to take a swig, something caught his eye. Half in the bushes before him was a half-starved dog. It's fur was patchy, and clearly had never once been given a bath. It watched him with a curious expression. It was skinny, its ribs visible and it's body shaking. Even from a distance, he swore he could see tiny black dots moving over the flesh.

" _Don't you think it's cute?"_ Her voice floated over his senses, and his heart thudded painfully. He looked up sharply, and there she stood, dressed in his oversized university sweatshirt, her long wavy dark hair dancing in the wind. She looked just as she had that day, the day they found Hector.

"You can't be serious." He muttered, the same words he had spoken that day. Was he hallucinating? Kagome moved forward, and to his surprise the dog's eyes followed her movement. She reached down, and placed her hand upon it's head. Just barely, he could see a tail wagging in the bushes. She turned and looked at Sesshomaru then, a sad smile on her face.

" _He may not be the traditional cute, but he is his own cute."_ Kagome stood, and the dog followed as she made her way to Sesshomaru.

" _Sometimes, a hard life only needs a single chance to change. Don't you think, Sesshomaru?"_ She said, her ethereal voice breaking the script.

"Kagome," He whispered, reaching for her. She smiled softly, and took his hand. Though what he felt was not solid, it was warm. She led his hand to rest on the dog's head, her eyes never leaving his.

" _Can we keep it?"_ It was a rush of emotion that welled within him, and he looked down at the mutt sitting at his feet. He was just as ragged as he first suspected, and the stench rolling off him was overpowering. Still, as he moved his hand over the dogs head, gently petting him, a small smile broke over his face.

"Yes, we can."

* * *

Sesshomaru sat patiently in a small, cramped office. He was uncomfortable, and it was fairly obvious. The animal beside him stirred anxiously, sensing it's master's unease.

"It has been a long time, Sesshomaru." Hojo gave him a welcoming smile.

"Indeed." Sesshomaru agreed.

"I am glad that you," Hojo began, but trailed off. Sesshomaru wanted to chuckle, but thought better of it. What could the man say? I am glad you are no longer a drunken idiot? On that, he could agree. He had not touched a drop of alcohol since the day he met Chance, the now fully fed and furry dog beside him.

"I have heard you re-joined the hospital. That, that makes me happier than I can mention." Hojo continued. "Kagome, she…" Hojo paused again, fighting his own feelings. "She always knew that was your calling."

"Indeed. She has been rooting for me, since always." Sesshomaru said gently. If the other man was surprised at his openness, he did not show it.

"Anyways, I invited you here to give you this." He said, lifting a box and pushing it across the table. Sesshomaru furrowed his brows and leaned forward. "I think she would have wanted you to have it."

Sesshomaru lifted the top of the box, his eyes widening. Inside was photographs, tokens, and gifts, article clippings and papers, and a host of other objects from their life together, and after.

"This was the box I told you about. This… this really belongs to you. I know I should've given it to you sooner…"

"Thank you." Sesshomaru said in a rush, his jaw tense. His heart was pounding, and the familiar pang of loss throbbed. But it was so much more than that. Joy floated to the surface, an intense feeling of happiness that she had kept it all, and now he could keep it as well. "I cannot thank you enough." This man had given him too much. He had given him the final moments with Kagome, even though he had loved her too. He could never thank him enough.

Hojo smiled at the other man. "Don't thank me. Not like that. Do what you do, Sesshomaru. Live up to her expectations. If you can do that, then it was worth it." Sesshomaru stood as Hojo did, and grasped his hand in a firm handshake.

"I will." He promised.

And he did. Sesshomaru went on to devote himself to research, and to his patients. He became the man Kagome had always known he would be, and did it not just for her, but for himself as well. He lived on, moving past the pain of losing her in order to change the world, just as she said he would. And true to his promise, he never forgot her, and never stopped loving her.

 _ **The End.**_

* * *

 _Love, Caleesci_


End file.
